The roomies are so cool. They let me use their computer for the time being till I can get the hook up next week. They said that they had a music service and if I wanted to burn off some music to have @ it. I found some really rare cuts and made about 3 cds worth. (one being Luiz') I was jammin on the way to work this morning. I need to get some cool blank CDs. I want to get some of those that look like vinyl 45s. I also have to get some new headphones as the ones I have are so tired. I was thinking of getting one of those adaptorsfor the wireless headphones to plug in. So I can wild out without wires. I don't know what the sound quality is like tho.
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I feel I have been doing pretty well as far as sabotaging myself goes. It's not easy meeting people in general, and then ones that you are actually attracted to is even harder, so when it happens for me it's like rare like the northern lights or a comet falling or something. I don't want anything to mess it up. I have been practicing thinking positively about the situation. Visualizing the positive outcome I'd be comfortable with. I stood in questioning myself for a second. Do I mess things up by saying things like "This guy prolly isn't the love of my life, but he's cool enough to chill." I have a casual attitude about things, because I would like them to develop naturally. Not put things under pressure. I am open to things growing deeper, and more intense of course. I just have to get to know someone first. I don't think that is odd at all. However, there is a dynamic, that when a person starts to get attention from someone, and they like it. Whether or not they have a significant other becomes irrelevant. So they are eating it up with a girlfriend/ wife in the background. I HATE THAT! If someone flirts back with you, you can't just assume they are single. If they ask where you man is, that doesn't automatically mean they themselves are single. I HATE THAT THAT IS THE REALITY! The last "date" I went on was with a man who was still married. He claimed to be getting a divorce. But to me it seemed like he and the wife weren't getting along and he was just stepping out on her.

What I am getting @ is, I haven't verbally asked Luiz if he has a girlfriend, hell or a boyfriend! I gotta do it. I'm sitting here looking @ this CD I made him and it all came crashing down on my head. I have to ask him flat out. So I don't waste the energy. If I had a dollar for every time I wasted my energy on an unavailable man.. I wouldn't have a live journal cause I would be on full frolic with my possie in Europe someplace, living the millionaire lifestyle. No mas. Like Usher, gotta have it my way.