I watched a VH1 program about “cougars”. I guess this is what you call sexy women over 40. In the beginning I thought ok cool. But as the program went on a few things became clear.

1. These terms only apply to people living in Hollywood.
2. Most of being seen as a cougar is about men still wanting to have sex with you.
3. The emphasis was on how you look, and not what you’ve learned.

The subcategories were exercise, which there were some funky workouts that seemed fun that the Hollywood types do. Plus yoga.

Shopping at stores popular with 20 something’s. Big deal, so you choose to look like a woman hanging on, and pay for it.

Sexy underwear. You should have that no matter your age.

Dating younger men. Still hanging on. Not that there is anything wrong with dating younger, just when they are young enough to have been your child, you are trippin, and quit frontin cause you know you don’t have anything in common with that boy.

Partying all night. Still hanging on, and not realizing that people are snickering behind your back. But you’re too faded on your expensive liquor to notice. This runs counter productive to the whole meditation and exercise thing.

Expensive sex toys. And I don’t mean $100. I mean $20,000. I’m saying if you can’t swerve the old fashioned way, then it’s time to just stop.

When it was all said and done it was very sad that you have to be screwable to be relevant as a woman. A man just has to be rich.

Eff dat.