Ask. Believe. Receive. Repeat

Bizarre

2007-11-20T19:47:40Z

Pisces Horoscope for week of November 15, 2007

If you chew coca leaves, you get a mild buzz, comparable to coffee, because your body metabolizes only tiny amounts of the plant's alkaloids. But in cocaine, which is made from processed coca leaves, those same alkaloids are highly concentrated. Snorting or smoking the stuff gives your bloodstream a potent blast. Bolivia's president Evo Morales wants the world to know the difference between the two. "The coca leaf is not cocaine," he says. He pledges to completely legalize coca in his country, citing its traditional uses as a food and medicine predating the European invasion. Is there a comparable scenario in your life, Pisces? Something that's bad for you when done to excess, but good for you in its understated natural state? It's a favorable time to commit yourself to its healthy use.

lyfenlyn @ 2007-11-20T13:49:00

2007-11-20T18:50:57Z

Ok I did get up late today. My roommate Cee is M. I. A. I saw her smoking a ciggy and talking to our other roommate when I got home last night, but then she bounced. The past two nights have been like that. The thing that concerns me is she has a dog that she leaves and he’s neglected. He’s a big hairy thing. Responsibility is this thing that is really escaping these children. And they are children. They are 20 to 23 years old and have no sense of adulthood, or what comes first. None whatsoever. It’s ironic because just about everyone young is the same way. Not everyone, but the ones that don’t come from a strict but loving household. If they grew up in chaos or permissive lazy parenting, they will always be incredibly irresponsible. The garbage outside needs to be put to the curb and what do you want to bet that it will still be there when I get home. The dogs have peed all over the floors, and what do you bet they will still be pee stained when I get home. There was meat cooked three days ago and the broiling pan has been full of water ever since and is starting to smell; and what do you want to bet that it won’t be cleaned when I get home? I asked Cee if she would take care of it day before yesterday and it wasn’t done. She bounced and left everything.

The thing is that her girlfriend and she broke up again. She was upset but was tired of the relationship. The girlfriend Tanya left to take care of her incredibly irresponsible pill popping mother who is homeless. They were moving into a crack hotel, and she wanted Cee to come with, because she gets a check twice a month from the Gov. Cee didn’t want to live in a crack hotel, she wanted to live in a nice calm house, where she’s safe. So Tanya got pissed and left with her mom. Ever since then Cee has been spending the night elsewhere. I hope not in the crack hotel. I’m worried she’s out doing dumb stuff. But that’s not my life. My main concern is the cleanliness of the house and care of the dogs. The other roommate Wanda has a boyfriend Ramon who works at a pet store and brought a stray they didn’t have space for to the house, and he’s been there the past two days too. The stray is amazingly well behaved however. There is a third dog Chewy, who belongs to Wanda. He’s a cute puppy but has long nails and loves to jump up on my bare legs to say hello and scratch the shit out of me. IT HURTS! He pisses and poops everywhere. The other two not so much. When everyone leaves the house they leave the dogs roaming the house. I don’t much care for that. The fence in the yard got broken by the lawn guys, and so if the dogs go outside then they escape. So the gate has to be fixed. I’d let them out in the yard to chill, if not for the gate. I don’t know when they last ate either. I am not a cruella type, but if they take off and keep leaving the dogs I feel like they should be turned into a shelter. I’d at least take pictures of them and post them on the board at my night job. Someone will want them. Can you say walk to my room and shut the door??? Not to mention the landlord makes spot checks from time to time and has told the girls to clean up. If he comes in to all that piss there will be some shit jumpin off!

_________________________________________________________________________

And sure enough. He came by to deliver the new dryer and the place is a sty. The garbage wasn’t rolled out to the curb, and he mentioned it. His mode of communication is text message. He says that if Cee can’t come up with the rent she has to go, which leads me to believe that they never even paid their rent. Whatever. Typical I say. I knew that things like this could go down when I moved in. But as long as I am not on the streets because of something someone else did I don’t care. As long as my stuff is secure and my food isn’t eaten up, I’m straight.

Stuff lately.

2007-11-16T14:32:54Z

I drive through my old neighborhood to get to work.

I go through a school zone. It's a predominately black and latin neighborhood. You may have remembered my rants about the garbage that is dropped in the streets everywhere. The city doesn't have people coming to clean up so it just sits there. While going through the school zone yesterday I see a white lady talking to the lone crossing guard. She is gesturing toward the garbage. I can tell what she is saying. She's complaining about the amount of trash around and how are the children supposed to feel about themselves if they have to look at this trash all the time. Maybe if a WHITE lady gets involved, someone will do something.

The day before I was driving down Holden and there was a bus stopped letting passengers on. There were 3 or 4 cars in front of me, and two behind. When the bus pulled away and traffic started moving, I noticed as I passed that there was a laptop case sitting on the bench. OMG! Someone left their computer on the bench? I couldn't stop, I couldn't turn around, I coudn't catch up with the bus. I felt useless.

I had the most unsetting thing happen to me last night. I was making my lunch for today, A chicken salad. I cooked (baked) the chicken in the oven, and was going to cut it into strips to put on the salad. I made three cause I have to get all the way to 10pm tonight.
I remember putting the chicken on the salad in the tupperware bowl. I got up this morning and the BOWLS WERE STILL SITTING ON THE COUNTER WITH THE TOPS OPEN! I couldn't believe it. What the hell was I thinking! I can't remember what happened between putting the chicken on the salad and going to sleep. It's blank. Not to mention all that food is wasted. I'm really freaked by this cause I have no idea what happened.

Resignation.

2007-11-14T13:23:11Z

Just wanted everyone to know I am taking a hiatus.

I am a little over the some of the snarkiness that goes on on this site and frankly I need a more positive flow in my mental faculties at this point in my life.

I put up a fun little exercise and people really went out of their way to be ill about it, and it’s just depressing. All the negativity and anger is depressing for me.

So I’m taking a break from any posting in groups. I may or may not post in my private journal. Who knows. I’m just over on line life in general.

If you have my number call me, or text other than that deuces.

New music finally

2007-11-12T13:36:54Z

The roomies are so cool. They let me use their computer for the time being till I can get the hook up next week. They said that they had a music service and if I wanted to burn off some music to have @ it. I found some really rare cuts and made about 3 cds worth. (one being Luiz') I was jammin on the way to work this morning. I need to get some cool blank CDs. I want to get some of those that look like vinyl 45s. I also have to get some new headphones as the ones I have are so tired. I was thinking of getting one of those adaptorsfor the wireless headphones to plug in. So I can wild out without wires. I don't know what the sound quality is like tho.
_____________________________________

I feel I have been doing pretty well as far as sabotaging myself goes. It's not easy meeting people in general, and then ones that you are actually attracted to is even harder, so when it happens for me it's like rare like the northern lights or a comet falling or something. I don't want anything to mess it up. I have been practicing thinking positively about the situation. Visualizing the positive outcome I'd be comfortable with. I stood in questioning myself for a second. Do I mess things up by saying things like "This guy prolly isn't the love of my life, but he's cool enough to chill." I have a casual attitude about things, because I would like them to develop naturally. Not put things under pressure. I am open to things growing deeper, and more intense of course. I just have to get to know someone first. I don't think that is odd at all. However, there is a dynamic, that when a person starts to get attention from someone, and they like it. Whether or not they have a significant other becomes irrelevant. So they are eating it up with a girlfriend/ wife in the background. I HATE THAT! If someone flirts back with you, you can't just assume they are single. If they ask where you man is, that doesn't automatically mean they themselves are single. I HATE THAT THAT IS THE REALITY! The last "date" I went on was with a man who was still married. He claimed to be getting a divorce. But to me it seemed like he and the wife weren't getting along and he was just stepping out on her.

What I am getting @ is, I haven't verbally asked Luiz if he has a girlfriend, hell or a boyfriend! I gotta do it. I'm sitting here looking @ this CD I made him and it all came crashing down on my head. I have to ask him flat out. So I don't waste the energy. If I had a dollar for every time I wasted my energy on an unavailable man.. I wouldn't have a live journal cause I would be on full frolic with my possie in Europe someplace, living the millionaire lifestyle. No mas. Like Usher, gotta have it my way.

Saturday night press up

2007-11-11T01:36:00Z

Ok, here's how it went down.

I went down to the meat store a little before closing to pick up some chicken. Hair done, and make up fierce. I walk in, he is huddled up in a suede jacket, and khakis. It's cold in there.

We start talking about music again. He admits he hasn't heard my CD yet but it's in the car. He's rocking the new Jay Z, he says it's pretty good. We get on the subject of Prince and his crazy ways these days. He says he has the new Prince but didn't understand much of it. He said he'd make me a copy. I haven't heard great things about it however. But to have a CD he made for me. Wow. He sees my chicken, and asks if I am cooking tonight. I tell him yeah, when are you coming through? His eyebrows go up, like he's surprised I was so non chalaunt about it. He said he has something to do tonight. I made the cute pouty face, and said I'd try my best not to be hurt. He puts his hand over his heart and says "That's the last thing I want to do to you is hurt you." I was like, no it's cool, it's pretty short notice. I should respect you more, and give you some notice. I'd want the same courtesy. I was just trying to get my feet wet anyway by asking. If he would have said yeah, the game would have changed. He says he doesn't even know where I live. I tell him the area, and what the route is quickest. He understood. I couldn't help but wonder what he had to do, but I'll keep my musings to myself. We talked and talked till customers came in, again, and I excused myself and told him to listen to the CD. He said ok, the end.

WHAT UP WITH THESE GAS PRICES YO~!

Keepin with the love theme. . . .

2007-11-08T14:10:18Z

Doesn't Really Matter- Janet

____________________________________________________________________

I watched this movie last week, a French film who’s name escapes me. But the whole story was this very successful older woman, who goes to a gay bar one night and gets a crush on one of the bartenders. The bartender is basically a boy for hire, that she hires-and then falls in love with. The boy is somewhat attractive, and ethnic but clearly someone who just wanted to live off rich people. He would always have a story about how he’s deeply in debt and needs thousands of dollars. They would always give it to him. He would disappear for days at a time, and the lady would go nuts. He’d come back and she’d take him back. He would tell her he loved her and she would give in. At one point she catches him on the ho stroll with other guys turning tricks with men. She still took him back after that. She got fed up and told him to leave, and he wouldn’t leave. He just sat on the floor of her bedroom all night crying. Through all of this he’s dating and getting engaged to a young girl who is a daughter of a friend of his older lovers. She found out about the engagement, and lost it. He ends up getting the young girl pregnant, and they end up breaking up, and he works for the young girls father at his hotel. The older lady goes on with her life, and runs into him on the street with the baby. He tries to get back together with her but she declines. Good for her.

This is what I don’t want to get started with. I'm not nearly rich and powerful enough, but there are always pretty boys looking for a free ride.

groundwork laid

2007-11-07T23:33:22Z

Ok this is what happened.

I went to the meat store at 4:40pm as planned. I usually buy a bag of puffy cheetos as a cover. But they were out. So I asked Luiz if they had more. He said they get a shipment on Friday. There are a steady stream of customers coming to the counter and he is ringing them up. His uncle is at the counter across the aisle, so I am feeling very self consious about the whole "saying how I feel thing." I brought a mix CD with me with Roots, Tribe, Alicia and Prince on it for him to rock. I told him my favorite group was the Roots once when we were talking, and he didn't really know alot of their music. SO I gave him the CD and told him I'd be back Saturday.

I'll show up about closing time, and see what I can get jumpin.

Dayumm he's fyne.

TO me anyway.

Love lament

2007-11-07T14:26:37Z

Just thinking about going to see Luiz before I go home today. It’s my night off, so I can go home at 4:30. I dressed down as not to make it look like, well you know. Puma t shirt, denim skirt and sneakers, no big deal.

Just because you get butterflies every time you see someone doesn’t mean you like them, does it? I have been concentrating on my attitude, not that I have a bad one, just maybe not the one most conducive to the love thing. I think people sometimes get into this mode of “I have things to do, I don’t have the room, time or ability to love right now.” So they just shut it down. If I had a dime for every time I heard a church going guy say to a woman “I’m too busy with my ministering for a relationship.” How sick is that. I always thought it was the religious way to lie, and not come out and say “I’m not interested in you.” I’m too busy always sounded like that to me. Because if you were interested you would make the time and the room. Like love is something you can just to pick up at the grocery like toilet paper or something when you need it. People talk a lot of shit about wanting to be happy, but only if happiness is on their time schedule, and in the packaging they have already designed in their mind. We are so funny that way aren’t we?

Now if a man feels he is too broke, that’s a whole other ballgame. I know how important their station in life, success, and money are to men’s self esteem. You can’t convince them that it doesn’t really matter. Maybe that isn’t even the right way to put it. It matters, but not in the me and you sense. Everyone knows that the measure of a man’s heart has nothing to do with his wallet. As there are plenny of millionaires walking around with tiny little black hearts. A man’s attitude about his situation has more to do with it than the lack of it really. If a man acts unworthy, poor, second class, sad, and ashamed, then what could he possibly expect to attract? This is my only worry, that there will be an uphill battle against the invisible. I think basic necessity has to be covered however. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, then why not date a homeless crack addict if that’s your attitude. Very funny. Yeah you have to be working, and have a place to live, that doesn’t involve relatives. If it does it must be temporary, and by temporary I don’t mean you live there till you finish 4 years of college either.

Since I have moved to Orlando I keep meeting the same guy over and over. The one who is attached but doesn’t want to seem attached. Who doesn’t wear a wedding ring, tho he is married. Who is in a long term relationship, but never mentions it, and or lies about it when asked. I don’t’ see myself nor do I present myself as some sort of sex pot woman on the side, but I guess because I don’t have all the baggage a woman “my age” should have, then that’s the only role I can play. Not anymore tho. Well it’s not a recent revelation however. I decided a long time ago second fiddle wasn’t my thing. I want first string status. Number one. La mujer sola. If I wasn’t going to be that then leave it alone. I don’t think that’s a superficial want, I think that is a very plain and common thing to want. You have to combat this permissive, selfish, immoral, superficial, disposable, culture for it tho.

Can love survive in 2007-08?

U know who you are...

2007-11-06T20:36:10Z

MySpace Comments & MySpace Layouts

not a shock

2007-11-06T18:51:50Z

It's 80% Love and 20% Lust

You and your guy are truly in love, even if that spark seems to be brand new.

Are Your Feelings For Him Lust or Love?

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you as both flirtatious and intimidating.
Your friends are secretly put off by your seductive powers.
And strangers either fear you or obsess over you - sometimes both.
No way to fight it - you're a natural vamp. Or rake.

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

rake???????

Still floating...

2007-11-06T17:32:57Z

I went though all my songs and put together a playlist to keep me in that frame of mind.

Unbreakable- Alicia Keys
Sending my Love- Zhane
Just Kickin- Xscape
Nice & Slow- Usher
Can’t You see- Total
The Way I are- Timbaland
I Need your Lovin- Teena Marie
Hold You Tight- Tara Kemp
Don’t Disturb This Groove- The System
Weak-SWV
I’m So Into You- SWV
Rain- SWV
AS- Stevie Wonder
Love Bizarre- Sheila E
Nothing on my mind- Soho
Gravity- Shawn McDonald
Make that Move- Shalimar
Cherish The Day- Sade
When I Fall in love- Sarah Vaughn
Sweet Thing- Rufus & Chaka Khan
Just another Dream- Cathy Dennis
All I Do- Stevie Wonder
Lost without you- Robin Thicke
Space- Prince
You know how to love me- Phyllis Hyman
In your eyes- Peter Gabriel
Pink & Blue- OutKast
Prototype- OutKast
B U D D Y- Musique
Sweetest Taboo- Sade
Teach Me- Musique
Hold On to me- MJ Cole
I can’t help it- Michael Jackson
Till the cops come knocking- Maxwell
Everything- Mary J Blige
I Want you- Marvin Gaye
I wanna be loved by you- Marylin Monroe
Love Song- Prince & Madonna
Back Seat- LL Cool J
You can’t deny it- Lisa Stansfield
Can’t take my eyes off of you- Lauren Hill
Can’t get you out of my head- Kylie Minogue
Where would I be- Kindred Family Soul
It Don’t make any difference- Kevin Michael
Keep it comin love- KC & The Sunshine Band
Take it from here- Justin Timberlake
They Don’t know- Jon B
Can We get down?- Jon B
Honey Molasses- Jill Scott
That’s the Way love goes- Janet
Romantic- Goapele
Dreams- Gabrielle
Butterflies- Floetry
In love with you- Erykah Badu
Dependin on you- Doobie Brothers
Say a little prayer- Dionne Warwick
World in my eyes- Depeche Mode
Love is everything- Deee lite
Ride with you- Danity kane
Alright- D’Angelo
Just to be close to you- Commodores
Promise- Ciara
No Guarentee- Chico DeBarge
Venus as a boy- Bjork
More than a woman- Angie Stone
I dreamed you – Anastacia
1 Thing- Amerie
Diary- Alicia Keys
Are you that somebody- Aaliyah

Floating on a CLOUD.

2007-11-05T15:53:02Z

Today is the first really cold day that we have had. I had to turn the heat on in my car this morning. It’s chilly walking through the warehouse too. My office mate is out with her kids who are sick. So I am by myself in the studio.

My back pain was directly related to my woman time, and once it arrived the pain went away. Thank GOD!

I am trying to force myself to stay at the night job for at least 2 hours before I bounce, cause my checks are just gas money the last month or so. But last night I bounced after 45 minutes. I had a cute outfit, make up done and was having an awesome hair day so I had to stop and see Luiz before I left the area to go home. I go in the store to get a bag of puffy cheetos. I have $2 on my credit card that I want to get rid of so I put it on there. I ask about my CD if he has heard it yet. He says no. I tell him I miss it a little. He offers to give it back to me. “It’s in my car.” I say okay. He has on a sweat jacket because it’s cold in the store because of the meat. He takes it off. GLORIOUS! Fitted white tee is like butter on him, and those broad boxers shoulders. I almost hit the floor. But I maintained. I went out to wait for him to grab his keys from the back. He came out and we walked to the back of the parking lot to his car. A gorgeous white Volkswagen jetta. He reaches in and grabs it. I express my disappointment that he was unable to listen to it. DAMN that encryption! I ask if he gets breaks at work. He looks at me like what? Like a 15 minute break? He tells me no, cause it’s family. They don’t play that. I’m like that’s against the law, but ok. The sun is setting, and the weather is amazing. I just want to kidnap him and go sit someplace. Next thing I know we are talking about relationships, and what we are like. This big fat guy pulls up in a caddy holding a gaudy gold chain out the window. He’s yelling to Luiz to buy it off him. Luiz says nah. The guy then says “What about for your girl then.” I was like whoaaaaaaaa Nellie! “I’m not his girl.” Then I turned away and said to myself “Yet.” I turned back to Luiz. “ No offense.” He says none taken.

We pick back up about relationships. He asks if I have ever been a player. I tell him no. I have always been open and up front with every man I see. There are causal relationships, and there are monogamous ones. When I am monogamous that’s it for me. “I am the same way.” He says. We discover that we both like a balance, no 24-7 fifty calls a day. Throwing tantrums if I don’t see you everyday type of stuff. “I like to miss you a little bit.” I tell him. “So when I see you, I can celebrate you all over again.” His eyes lit up. “I know what you mean. So you appreciate each other more.” Yeah, we both say. He asks again if I have kids. Nope. He asks again if I have ever been married, I say no. He asks why. Then he chimes in for me, “You haven’t found the right one yet.” I agreed. Then he asks how old I am. I ask how old he thinks I am. He says 24-25. I was like nope. He guessed and guessed. “You’re over 30???” Yep. He kept guessing. When he finally got to it, the same reaction I always get, disbelief, awe. Denial. “No you aren’t. There is no way.” So then we went though that whole thing. Then he said, “You look that way because you have never been married or had kids.” Which I am sure is true. I didn’t tell him I thought he was in his 30’s, I’m sure it would devastate him. He doesn’t carry himself like a kid tho. Then he wanted to know if I ever wanted to have kids. I said yeah. I could adopt if need be. “But would you have your own?” he wanted to know. “Sure if it came down to it, but I am almost 40, so I know the risks of that too.” He assured me there are women in their 40’s having babies. I was kinda like how the hell did we get on this conversation?? It was sort of romantic in a way. We talked for a good 20 minutes, then he said he had to get back. He asked if he could have a hug. I obliged. It wasn’t one of those cordial hugs, it was very long, and warm; with a sigh in the middle. He’s holding onto me and he says “I really enjoy your company.” To which I say “I really like you too, I would really love to get to know you better.” We part and start walking toward my car that’s parked near the store. “Well my schedule is going to open up more soon.” He says. “That’s good, I worry about you working so hard.” I tell him. “That’s sweet. We’ll work something out.” He assures me. And we say our good byes.

WHEW!

I’m on a cloud and I’m gonna stay there for a while.

a little friday tee hee.

2007-11-02T14:00:29Z

What Lyfenlyn Means

L is for Logical

Y is for Young

F is for Flexible

E is for Earthy

N is for Nutty

L is for Lovesick

Y is for Yummy

N is for Normal

What Does Your Name Mean?

Look out weekend.

2007-11-01T15:25:51Z

Commentprops.com

lyfenlyn @ 2007-11-01T09:03:00

2007-11-01T13:03:13Z

I think I pulled a muscle in my back. All the rest of my back pain and body pain is gone, but this one patch on the lower left side of my back. If I turn that way, it’s a pinching feeling. If I am sitting I have to lean to the right for it not to pinch. I sat up last night doing my hair till 3:15am. I am tired. But the good news is I have a long hour and half break b/t jobs so I can nap in my car.

Going to see American Gangster this weekend with my cuz. I think this one will be a classic for sure. I kind of like T I as an actor.

Why was I driving home Friday night and get pulled by the po po and she tells me that my license plate and my tag don’t match. I pull out my registration and so nuff my registration has a different tag number on it completely. I just took the tag off my old car and slapped it on the new one. I thought I made that clear @ the DMV when I went but I guess not. The way the officer was talking it was like if you get a new car you have to get a new tag with it. But that hasn’t been what I have witnessed my whole life. Everyone I know just transfers their tag to the new car. I was annoyed, because I wasn’t breaking any laws, speeding or anything. She was just bored and running peoples tags. To me that borders on harassment. This is the second time this random “tag running” has happened to me. Last time I had no insurance, and had to take the bus for two days while I waited for my check.

My roommates are the coolest, nicest ever. I finally got lucky this time. WOW! I hope everything in life is this effortless from here on in.

FOOD

2007-10-30T14:00:11Z

I drive a bit father to my new home, and I notice the rows and rows of fast food places. If it’s late it is easy to get something greasy and fattening. Within two blocks I counted 4 pizza places and two burger joints. TWO BLOCKS!

I went to wal mart cause I got off work late and did a little grocery shopping. I wandered the aisles and looked at all the food. I mean really looked at all the packaging and content. There is barely anything of nutritional value in grocery stores these days. If you aren’t in the produce department or seafood, you are really gambling your life away. Sugar and salt are killing us and making us nuts. I got so overwhelmed by the whole idea that billions are spent in this country to manufacture death, and we line up to buy it. I found myself standing in line looking at all the fat people. I pushed my cart slowly down the length of the store counting the ratio of overweight people to thin ones. Fat people out number thin 7 to 1. I got frustrated, angry, sad and a little depressed.

Remember the days when there was no dollar menu or value meal? People weren’t obese back then either. Poverty at the turn of the century meant that you were thin. In the south a thin person was referred to as a Po’ chile. Meaning poor, because poor people can’t afford to eat a lot and get plump. Now the opposite is true. Manufacturing death is cheap, pump something full of sugar or artificial sweeteners and you can sell it for pennies on the dollar, and increase your profits my 300%. You know that favorite snack you love so much, and once you’re hooked the formula changes, and it doesn’t taste the same? Profit. Poverty in this country now equals fat. Rich people can afford to shop at organic markets, and micro biotic diets. The 6 week body make over is a perfect example. You can change your body, if you can afford to eat 6 meals a day, and not of chips and cookies and candy bars. Green leafy veggies, turkey cutlet, fresh tuna, whole potato, baked chicken. Poor people can’t afford to eat like that. Macaroni and cheese, ramen, pasta in general is cheap. And once digested turns to sugar. High sugar content leads to diabetes and other diseases. I wanna slap mothers who put soda in their child’s sippie cup. YOU ARE STARTING THEM DOWN THE WRONG PATH!

I do feel there is hope for me, because I did have a mother tho not a traditional dinner on the table at 6 every night type, when I was growing up insisted I eat veggies and fruit all the time, and never bought sweets and soda into the house, or let me eat sugary cereal. I feel like I have to start stripping in the hood just to afford to lose the weight I need to loose. I can’t micro manage my food I guess down to the cup. It’s really daunting, but it has to be done.

Fashion and denial

2007-10-29T18:14:58Z

Oriental Silk with denim back.

white sequin cotton tube top and denim skirt.

I was in a long skirt phase for a while. Naturally that was before I moved to a hot climate. Those got chopped right off! I'll keep looking for more photos.

_______________________________________________

I was finishing packing the apartment up on Saturday night and Jeb shows up, and asks if he can come in. I say sure since it is his place. He is just blabbing on and on. Talking about how he was going to go to the convention center to work, like banquet set up for money. Then he bailed because "It wasn't him." I looked at him blank and kept packing. He is the LAZIEST PERSON ALIVE! He has this notion that he doesn't have to work, and people should just pay him for breathing. Not literally, but he's got two properties and no job. He makes tons of excuses for not working and he doesn't have much of an imagination when it comes to finding a job, or the willingness to submit for the greater good. He has hidden out with low life for so long, that he can't look a man in a suit in the eye without feeling like a lump of garbage. At one point he says "Live and learn." I couldn't help but to chime in "Let's hope someday you will and change some shit." He stopped, "What does that mean." "Just what I said. You want the new stuff with the old behavior, and it doesn't work that way." He had no clue what I was saying, which is typical.

It felt good to walk away. It really did. Forward, never back.

The move.

2007-10-29T12:53:51Z

The move is done. It was a pain, literally. My body is in shock because of all the muscle usage all at the same time. I’m walking around like a snail. Mr. Nice guy couldn’t get a sitter for a long period of time so he could only help out for like an hour, so I had him load all the heavy stuff into the truck. I have never rented a truck before or driven one, so it was a new experience.

I drove to the new house and the roomies helped me get the stuff into my room. I took the truck back, went back to the apartment, loaded my car to the brim, drove across town, emptied the car and fell out for a few hours. When I woke up I couldn’t move. Literally couldn’t move. It was like I was paralyzed. I was scared. After about 30 minutes of struggling I got back up, but was in excruciating pain. I got those icy hot patches for my back, which helped a little. Went back to the house again, got more, and drove back. Got the cable hooked up and spent the rest of the night sifting through everything and getting the TV set up. The roomies said they’d kick in for the cable since they all wanted cable in their rooms, but I am not holding my breath. I look @ it this way, I’d be paying a cable bill if I was here or there. No difference. I don’t’ pay utilities now so I have the extra cash.

The neighborhood, though residential isn’t what you would call Wisteria lane serene, but it’s good enough. The neighborhood seems more Spanish than where I left which was mostly Haitian, and Caribbean. The house is very cute, and well kept. The roomies are very nice. I say six months, and I will have my school loan paid and be ready to get in the swing again. I had to do this because living on my own, tho having the privacy is heaven, with my income it was a trap. If I had no other aspirations other than working two jobs to pay bills and have no life ever then I was doing well. But that’s not what I want. That’s not why I moved to Florida. I’m chasing a dream, with a 6 year detour.

Go on Miss Janet.

2007-10-26T18:33:45Z

Commentprops.com

lyfenlyn @ 2007-10-26T13:25:00

2007-10-26T17:26:00Z

Element: Water

Mode: Mutable

Ruler: Neptune

Color: Blue, Blue-Violet, Red Magenta

Famous Pisces:
Ursula Andress, Drew Barrymore, Cindy Crawford, Nat "King" Cole, Albert Einstein, Wyatt Earp, Alan Greenspan, Steven Jobs, Glenn Miller, Liza Minnelli, Rupert Murdoch, Pierre Auguste Renoir, John Steinbeck, Sharon Stone, Levi Strauss, Elizabeth Taylor, Antonio Vivaldi, George Washington

Strengths:
Adaptable, altruistic, artistic, compassionate, cooperative, creative, devoted, imaginative, intuitive, romantic, sensitive, spiritual

Weaknesses:
Apprehensive, chaotic, fragile, impractical, inactive, indecisive, obscure, unrealistic, unreliable, unstable, weak-willed edited these out already

Pisces, the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, is regarded as the sign of sensitivity and receptivity, and you are a true chameleon, mutable and infinitely complex. Your keywords are communion and vision, and you have the capacity to go beyond this world to the one of dreams and the spirit. Your ruler Neptune, the planet of confusion and chaos, gets people out of habits that imprison them so that they question themselves and can discover another path toward growth and spirituality. Neptune is the planet of imagination and illusion, and governs the dream world with all its many facets.

Pisces is the third of the three water signs, Lyn, which means that you are concerned with the realm of emotion and feeling. You deal with sensitivity, intuition, and deeper psychic aspects of life.

Your sign rules the twelfth house of the chart, the sector associated with the unconscious, the need for seclusion, and places of restriction. This house is very healing and can promote personal and spiritual growth, once you make the effort and face YOUR reality.

Pisces is a mutable sign. You adapt to the exigencies of life and ingeniously melt into circumstances like a chameleon. In your interaction with others, you are personable and compassionate, and successfully connect on a deep emotional level.

Expand, Evolve, Explore! Get the complete picture!
Your Birth Horoscope - complete with Natal Chart Drawing
Gain deeper insight into your personality. Realize your potential, understand your strengths and weaknesses. Your Birth Horoscope reveals how the alignment of the planets influences our lives.
Tree of Life
This powerful 10-card reading reveals the Ageless Wisdom of your Soul. Use the secrets of the ancient Tree of Life to understand where you are now, and in which direction your Life is evolving.

Your Life-Path number is probably the most influential numerological aspect to be considered, Lyn, and represents who you are at the time of birth. It indicates specific traits and will likely be active and influential throughout your lifetime. It is the overall number that determines much of what will be important to you and how you will handle things as they come.

If your Life-Path number is NINE, yours is a philosophical number. In this, you’re likely to hold an elevated position that poses certain responsibilities in the scheme of things. You’re likely to be extremely compassionate and giving up material goods for the common good of all may be something that is a regular occurrence in your life.

NINE personalities tend to be trustworthy and honorable. A NINE harbors no prejudice and feels deeply for those who are less fortunate. You will help others in any way you possibly can as a NINE is driven by the desire to make the world a better place.

Gain insight with the ancient art of Numerology!
Numerological Profile
A Numerological Profile can provide valuable insight into your personality, where you are headed in life, and how to best utilize your talents - many of which you may not even be aware of!

Of all the animals of the Chinese zodiac, your are the most intelligent. Your pranks, finesse, and craftiness get you out of the most delicate situations without a scratch. Particularly at ease in public and at parties with beautiful people, you are charming, surprising, and entertaining with the faces you make, and your irresistible, funny stories. You can also laugh at yourself with astonishing lucidity.

Your character is that of a "happy pessimist" and you adapt easily to any context - and not without a certain amount of cunning. Confronted by a muscle-bound adversary, you use servility and flattery to lead him by the nose. Your skillfulness in the art of manipulation has no equal and you easily play the actor to soothe those around you. Crocodile tears and shameless lies are part of your daily bread. If you are caught, you have the good grace to recognize the error of your ways and can make others forgive you.

You jump from branch to branch, from problem to problem, with an incredible degree of fickleness that borders on childishness. It is difficult to keep you in one place; at the least sign of boredom, you swing to another tree. But behind your mimics and gestures hides an old monkey that the Chinese name The Wise One. Your fault: You want to be first at any price...

apologies.

2007-10-25T19:44:28Z

I am @ work having the day from hell. You see I am doing these floor plans and they have very extensive changes, and I got through the whole thing yesterday. I saved it. I got a message there were more changes to do. So I went in to do them and the document wouldn’t open!!! I tried everything and it wouldn’t open! I ended up having to take the original and do it all over again. After I was done I was going to save it and it closed an erased everything I did! Now I have to do it a third time! In the midst of all this my phone is ringing and it’s Jeb. I don’t want to answer. I was moving my stuff last night and he came home. I set my stuff down on the landing and went back in the house cause I didn’t even want to look @ him. Well he’s on the phone saying he doesn’t want to argue. Fine.

He goes into this thing about how the people downstairs aren’t going to move into his 3 bed after all. After all of that. Everything fell apart. People just can’t get any financing. I know Jeb, the only reason he is apologizing is to try and get me to stay so he isn’t stuck paying two mortgages. Not gonna happen. He should have thought about all of that when he was cussing me out. I mean if you are going to talk crazy to me, you better be on your way out. Once you show me your ass, that’s it for you. I can’t un see your ass. I can’t un hear all the disrespectful, hurtful stuff you said to me. I am not going to look @ you in the same way after that. He wanted to know if I accepted his apology and I said nothing. I can’t afford to stay. I mean I can, but I will just be stuck there forever running on a hamster wheel of bills, food and rent. Not moving any closer to my dreams, or what it is I want for my life. Yeah moving in with other people is a tiny bit inconvenient @ my age, but I gotta make a sacrifice for the greater good. I know it’s not the end with him. He never came out and asked if I would stay, but I know he will. I might consider it if he drops the rent by $200 a month. Even then I still am really sold on getting out of the hood.

process

2007-10-25T13:31:53Z

I moved a load of stuff to the new house last night. The place is really cute. My room is small but workable with the right shelving units. Definately going to be that winter cave for sure. It's so great to be leaving that God forsaken neighborhood. I was driving to work this morning and saw big bags of garbage in the road again. I MEAN WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!!! It's disgusting. More disturbing is that it isn't removed and you can drive by it for days at a time, and that no one is fined for it. It's like if you see an accident, a crew comes after and cleans up all the glass and debris. Not in the hood, you will be driving through glass for the rest of the year. It will be nice to be out of there, away from Jeb-and on to the next chapter of life. I am beaming with excitement!

The roomies are all youngins, employed and cool. Finally a decent living situation. But the whole house meeting thing will be inevitable, dishes are always the thing that can set a war in motion in shared living situations. The youngest one works two jobs too. I guess I am automatically house mom being the oldest. But I'm one of those fair moms, that tells you what the expectation is, and then lets you take care of it. I don't want to nag people to be clean. Just encourage and explain why it's important to be a clean person, yanno?

Where I am right now

2007-10-24T16:09:05Z

(I catagorically don't like the chic, but this song is sooooo appropriate)

Jump- Madonna

There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste

I haven't got much time to waste, it's time to make my way
I'm not afraid of what I'll face, but I'm afraid to stay
I'm going down my own road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight til I find a place of my own

Chorus:

Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to jump

We learned our lesson from the start, my sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on is your family
And life's gonna drop you down like the limbs of a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see

Chorus2:

Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back, oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to, are you ready

(Spoken:)
There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait, the more time that you waste

I'll work and I'll fight til I find a place of my own
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own

I can make it alone
I can make it alone
I can make it alone [my sisters and me]
I can make it alone [my sisters and me]
(repeat)

(chorus)
(chorus2)

On the heels of my departure letter.

2007-10-24T13:24:03Z

I delievered the letter.

He asks if were going to settle up on Friday.
"I'm leaving on Saturday, you're paid till Sunday."
He asks me again.
"I'm leaving on Saturday, you're paid till Sunday."
He asks again.
"I'm leaving on Saturday, you're paid till Sunday."
He's on the phone while he's asking me so he's having two conversations at once. He says "That's not right."
"I'm leaving on Saturday, you're paid till Sunday."
He says "but you are on a month to month."
"And I am not finishing the month. I paid for the days I stayed and a day extra. That is all."

Truth be told, you talk crazy to me. Tell me 5 diffrent things about moving in two weeks. Tell me that I can stay for 6 months, and then the next day tell me I have to move in two weeks? Stress me out, you get what you get.

I walked back to my house, he yells after me "I hope you appreciate all I have done for you! I bet you don't!"

"I don't appreciate your stank attitude right now that's for damn sure!" I yell back.

Two seconds later he calls me about the mail key. "You want to leave and keep the mail key? That's not right. I don't want you in my mailbox."
I say " As you know I have lived here a year and a half and I still get your mail, that's why I was going to hold on to it for a few weeks to make sure I got everything. But whatever, fine. Any mail you get, throw away, because I don't want to have any contact with you."

He freaks out. Goes into a yelling fit. How he helped me, how he could have rented the place for more to someone else but nooooooooo had me live there.
"THAT WAS SOMETHING YOU CHOSE TO DO. YOU MADE A CHOICE NOW LIVE WITH IT. I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ACCOLADES, A PLAQUE, A COOKIE OR A GOLD STAR FOR SOMETHING YOU CHOSE TO DO! IT'S CALLED BEING A GROWN UP, AND WE GROWN UPS LIVE WITH THE CHOICES WE MAKE AND DON'T BLAME OTHER PEOPLE OR BEG FOR CREDIT!"

He's screaming and screaming, I am holding the earpeice of the phone down and talking into the reciever. "I said fine throw the mail out, why are you still on my phone?"

He wanted to get in digs at me. He wanted to have the upper hand. He can't stand that I am not kissing his ass and doing things his way. He acts like a man acts when he realizes you have no intention of fucking him. He acts like he saved my life or something. He didn't. He made a $200 profit off me a month.

He tried to say "You're just mad because I you don't have anything.."

Let's take inventory shall we Jeb?
-You own two properties in the hood. Next door to eachother on the same property. How hard could that have been?

- the properties that were actually worth something, YOU LOST! People took them from you and you didn't fight for them. Yeah, I'm jealous.

-You can't afford the properties you have, you are always broke, I'm so jealous of that.

-You only date women who are drunks, strippers and crackeads, or all three in one; because a woman who is sober and sane isn't going to buy into your bullshit.

-Victoria left you because she realized you were a loser and going nowhere fast. You smoked weed constantly, and the life you promised her you wern't even attempting to make happen, so she LEFT!

- You go to the bar and drink, and tip $100 to the waitress so she'll think you are a baller, and then cry about how broke you are to me. As far as I am conserned you are blowing MY HARD EARNED MONEY!

-You spent the last 25 years of your life smoking weed and hanging out with lowlife, and avoiding being a responsbile citizen, and making something out of yourself. You only started your floor cleaning business because you don't want to be @ work at a certian time. You cancel appointments and lie to clients all the time because you are too hung over or high to show up. Yep real jealous!

- You have a raggedy cadillac limo with all sorts of holes in the body that didn't even run for almost two years. A 1987 Nissan, and a Fred Sanford truck. Sooooo jealous.

-You wanna be a rockstar but every band kicks you out because you want everything your way, and you aren't as talented as you think you are. You aren't going to be a rockstar because you don't have the dicipline to get it done @ 42 years old. You have a giant beer belly and not much to offer other than this image you have of yourself in your head. You can't operate a computer to the level so you can prodouce your own music, so you are screwed. You asked ME to put ads on the net to sell your stuff, because you are too LAZY to learn to do it yourself! So pathetic and sad. So jealous of that!

-You have been a door man at strip clubs, and a limo driver. You sold timeshare which they will hire any monkey to do as long as they make a profit. You didn't make profits brother, so you got canned. You clean floors now, and complain constantly about how much pain your body is in, but don't do anything to change that. You won't get a straight job, and who's fault is that? that's also your choice!

-You live like a junkie, have no decent furniture and collect junk. Why don't you use that "700 credit score" and go get some decent furniture? Your house smells, and you let your dog run your life. Get it trained and be in control!You know why the lady from church bolted and never returned your phone calls? Cause you lied about who you were. You run this game on everyone that you're this successful real estate investor with all this property. That isnt'the impression anyone gets by walking into your house or seeing and smelling anything that you own. All of your suits are 15 years old, and your clothes make you look like a wasted loser. It's obvious YOU HAVE NOTHING, and are in denyal about it. She was running from a whole lot of crazy. But you are too deep in denyal to see that.

-You always expect people to pat you on the back, you expect congratulations for everything you do, and that isn't how the world works. You ónly do things for people because you want them to be indebted to you. You lie to yourself and say you are doing it because you are kind hearted, but you aren't, you are a person who has an angle. Me moving into your place was you being to afraid to let anyone else live there, and making $200 on top of it to pay your own bills. A "nice guy" would have charged me only the mortgage of $400 like you approached me with originally, and then you kept raising the price. Yeah, nice guy.

Not to mention you told me everything would be out of the apartment when it came time for me to move in and it wasn't. The floors weren't done, and the pile of wet mail was still on the back porch, and you looked me in my eye and told me it wasn't. I went to the porch and there it sat. You promised me for three weeks that the floors would be done and they weren't, and when I aksed you you blew up and me saying it wasn't a big deal, cause you were GIVING ME SUCH A GREAT DEAL! You are an asshole. And I never want to ever see you again.

-Yep I am so jealous of a servant. I have a skill, I have a degree, and a will to suceede. What do you have? A dog.

Peace.